My first love taught me love knows no relation, the second one taught me love is the only religion, the third one taught me love is also about letting go. But when I was kissed by the breeze she carried, I felt no iron bridge on which I stood. I felt peace in her thunderous roar. She was soft as a mother, loving as a soulmate and strong as a woman. I skipped a heartbeat, took a deep breath as I realized, love is not about relation, religion, letting go or fighting for. The ultimate form of love is peace; a point in oneself where there are no botheration of past nor there is any anticipation on future. A point when you realize only the very moment you live in matters.
I stood on the iron bridge at Rudranag, crossing a gorge made by my new found love, the Parvathy river.
As I packed my backpack along with a quest to explore the Himalayas on 10th of August 2016, I least expected a life changing experience. Ironically enough my sojourn started at Gandhi Peace Foundation at Deen Dayal Upadhayay Marg, New Delhi. I was greeted with clam and smiling faces along with a delightful vegetarian breakfast. The hustling Delhi; travel in metro rail, shopping therapy at Paharghanj and Sarojini Nagar, left me tired by the time I reached ISBT, at Kashmeere Gate, to board my bus to Bhuntar. The sixteen hour tediously long bus journey was complemented with bumpy roads and cramped bus seats, a hard travel indeed. However the tiredness got over me at some point and I fell asleep. Next day morning I was greeted with the sight of merging of two rivers; the Parvathy with clear blue waters and white rapids and the the Beas murky and sluggish carrying sediments from atop. This depicted to me as the junction point of life when your clarity of thoughts are clouded by the murky sediments of your past. The point geographically marked the starting point of Bhuntar and to me the transition point towards self realization.
As we (myself and travel buddies) marched towards Tosh; our first point; I felt as if I am leaving the reality behind and moving towards a fantasy or dream. with each step laughters vanished, mumbles grew dull and all I could hear were the whistling winds, and the distant rapids and maelstrom of the Parvathy. I though “this is peace at its best”, but never did I knew what Kheerganga had for me.
The sun touched golden peaks woke me up the next day, and we were ready for our next adventure, the trek to Kheerganga. Himalayas has that golden route rule, “one way up and the same way down”, and so we trekked down, all the way from Tosh to our starting point Pulga Dam site (nearly a kilometer from the Barsheni village). From this base point the trek measures 16km crossing 2 mountains.
The trek started out at 12:00 hours from the base point after a light and savoury breakfast, (I loved those momos, thank you kishan bhaiyya), packed our bags with some sweet buns and a bottle of water. From the very start the heavy backpacks stretched out my muscles, as the starting mile itself declared, “Himalayas will test your limits”. The first quarter mile itself had me panting and craving for rest; I then knew the real challenge is yet to be revealed. The first mountain offered us tough climbs and level paths, testing our endurance; but adding to that was the scorching sun who drained us all our strength. But the will carried us to the Nakthan Village. Nakthan greeted us with smiling faces and greenest green apples, fresh pluck from farms, shade from the sun and Lime juice to rejuvenate our body. Ravinder, a 70 year old shop owner, shared his part of life story when he visited Kerala (we hailed from Thiruvananthapuram, southernmost district of Kerala), a time when Kerala was untouched by pollution and concrete forests. Time flew off, so did our short rest; we bid farewell to Ravinder, and to all smiling faces, fed the apple leftover to the cows and headed forward. The small village disappeared with a mountain curve and our slow paces carried on. I heard my travel buddy whisper his favorite kannada quote “Vande road munde hogi”, which according to him (even he is not sure), meant “The road is ahead and so should be your steps”; whether or not true this gave us an inspiration to walk forward, leaving the past as past.
Nakthan to Rudranag was a short trail but the sun had now become unforgiving, shade was sparse and the mountain springs absent. with Our ration of water long consumed, we were like dried up sponge, but in a distance we saw it; the holy site of Rudranag. The short and slow steps carried us to Rudranag, a stop for water and the starting point of second mountain. We saw the iron bridge accross the Parvathy, which joins the mountains. Till that very end sun was strong, but the moment our steps were on that bridge, a gush of cold winds enrobed us taking away with it all the exhaustion we had. To me, it was my new found love, as it is always said, your love is where you can rest your worries. As that gush of wind encircled me, or rather I would say kissed me, not just exhaustion was carried away, it took with it all the worries and anticipation I had, the work, the lost love, the family, the acquaintances, all that I had, all I thought of, and when I crossed that bridge all that mattered to me was the climb.
The second mountain was steeper and ready to test our breaking point; but by the time I crossed that bridge, a new man was born, someone inside me whom I never knew of. My steps were slower my breath normal, I was so calm that no mountains could move me. Very long back once I read “Peace is every step”, by Thich Nhat Hanh, it had influenced me in my life but never did I realize the true meaning of the book until this point of life. The terrain changed, it was unforgiving with extremely steep climbs, wet slippery surfaces; but this time we were not in ration water, the mountain, was quite generous with fresh water streams and springs every where. We moved on like snails but with entirely peaceful mind, we rested on rocks enjoying every breath we take, realizing, back home is fantasy and dream’, this is reality. The last 4.4 km (the second mountain), took us 3 hours to trek and finally we reached the Kheerganga, the place where Lord Shiva is believed to have underwent tapasya for 3000 years (although the word “Tapasya” translates to austerity in English; tapasya actually is just a super refined art of self control and surrender). We rested our sore muscles in the lush green meadows, enjoyed the sunset, setup our tent for the night, and nice cozy campfire for warmth. The crickets, wild ponies and cows grazed by our side; we had a friendly ‘snowy’ (thanks to Rahul for that name), a dog from some camp house down below; adding flavors to fire side stories we shared.
The next morning I had was probably the most beautiful one I ever saw; I had my camera in bag but never did I even think of getting it out, because I knew, no camera could capture the majestic elegance of the view we had (thanks to Rahul and Jyothish, whose photos are the once I shared here). Encircling us were the great Himalayas where each peaks more elusive than the others, the winds howled through the mountain passes and slid through us in a calm demeanor. My mind was still in that state of calmness and urged to complete the mission; to take the dip in the hot springs of Kheerganga. And we marched, to Parvathy Kund; the hot water spring, had a bath and brushed our teeth outside the hot water pool (as it is a holy site and not a recreational pool). We could not dip ourselves first as the water was too hot, but our body, by now, were accustomed to extremities and adapted at a very fast rate. We had a rather short dip, of around 30 minutes as hot water dips are not very comfortable for body (atleast for us), when we decided to climb out of the pool. As I walked away from that pool to the nearby rock where I left my dress; I realized it was not the same me anymore, even the man I discovered in me yesterday on that bridge vanished. As I sat on that rock staring at infinity, I experienced the true meaning of peace, all my botheration and anticipation vanished, there was no more sense of present, the sense of moment “now” also vanished; amidst all the sounds and voices around, I only heard one sound. Its was my own breath- the inhale and the exhale. What occurred to me at that point was my spiritual self realization, what I felt was coexistence of birth, sustenance and death; a new life when you start to inhale, sustenance of life till you complete inhalation, and death as you exhale; and what my mind spoke then was “Om!”, as it occurred to me this was the true meaning of Omkara. I sat there near the temple, on the rock for hours together, losing track of time and nature, staring at the infinity, living with the new realization I had.
But some say good things are not forever. As the descend started I knew I had left a part of my soul up there, but I carried in me what Kheerganga let me discover, and those will last till the end of my time. If there is a wish I could have; let my urn of ashes be spread into the Parvathy at Rudranag, for in her depths my mortal remains shall rest, my laughter be heard in the howling winds, my hugs in the winds to all those who come; for if I am in her lap, I am finally at peace.
Syam S Nair 